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Fabienne Harford Fabienne (Fabs) Harford (@fabsharford) is a writer, speaker, and counselor, serving on staff at The Austin Stone Counseling Center in Austin, Texas. Fabienne Harford Fabienne (Fabs) Harford (@fabsharford) is a writer, speaker, and counselor, serving on staff at The Austin Stone Counseling Center in Austin, Texas. When I was a little girl, I never associated being alone with being rejected. However, if I’m not careful, my joy of aloneness gets sabotaged by the painful thought that maybe I am alone because I am not wanted, not chosen, no one’s favorite.Time on my own afforded me the opportunity to disappear inside my imagination without interruption. Rejection hurts — and in singleness there is plenty of it to go around.
That’s why I feel no hesitation in claiming that the pain of rejection we face in singleness is one of God’s sweetest gifts.
Sounds good to me, but there is an agonizing question I find bubbling up in my soul when I consider this: When we treat people as if they have the power to determine our value, we attribute to them a power that belongs to God alone.
As long as they hold power over our worth, we will never feel safe and satisfied in God’s acceptance.
It’s like wondering why the finest steak in town isn’t satisfying us when you keep shoving Mc Donald’s fries down our throat before you eat.
Jesus says that if affirmation from people can add to your sense of self and deep security, it will rob you of the ability to experience deep belief in him.
God has designed this beautiful gift of singleness to highlight your need to be chosen and to underline the inadequacy of people to fill that need.
Don’t be ashamed by your hunger to be wanted and chosen.Settle it in your mind: You are not alone because you are unwanted, unloved, or rejected.Your life is being written with kind and perfect intentions by a sovereign and loving God who is stewarding all things to give you the greatest possible good: himself.Whether it’s the explicit rejection some men face when they ask a woman on a date, or the implicit rejection of wondering why no man is asking you on a date, the single will have to face the fear that they are not wanted.The world may tell you the solution to this pain is to speak worth over yourself so loudly that you drown out the whisper of rejection. Because we were created to have worth spoken into us by Someone outside of ourselves.What a great gift that needy design is for continually driving us to God.