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Sad hand job notwithstanding, I was Gold Star all the way. My sudden drive to date men might feel natural, but I know what everyone thinks.
The literal part was much more enjoyable, except for my intense blow job anxiety. Which is exhausting but at least it’s honest, which according to Cosmo you’re never allowed to be. If this mentality pervades our decisionmaking in so many realms, is it also affecting how we choose a romantic partner?The question nagged at me—not least because of my own experiences watching promising relationships peter out over text message—so I set out on a mission.The biggest changes have been brought by the .4 billion online-dating industry, which has exploded in the past few years with the arrival of dozens of mobile apps.Throw in the fact that people now get married later in life than ever before, turning their early 20s into a relentless hunt for more romantic options than previous generations could have ever imagined, and you have a recipe for romance gone haywire.People even let me into the private world of their phones to read their romantic texts aloud onstage.
I learned of the phenomenon of “good enough” marriage, a term social anthropologists use to describe marriages that were less about finding the perfect match than a suitable candidate whom the family approved of for the couple to embark on adulthood And along with the sociologist Eric Klinenberg, co-author of my new book, I conducted focus groups with hundreds of people across the country and around the world, grilling participants on the most intimate details of how they look for love and why they’ve had trouble finding it.Now I felt like an anthropologist with no primary sources, suddenly thrown into the field. So what if men hissed "dykes" at us from their cars?Why hadn’t anyone told me men stay hard after they come? Now 35, I’m still not defined by how others might perceive me.I read dozens of studies about love, how people connect and why they do or don’t stay together.I quizzed the crowds at my stand-up comedy shows about their own love lives.This kind of rigor goes into a lot of my decisionmaking.