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With a third couple, the two spouses are monogamous at home but grant each other hall passes when they travel solo for business.With a fourth, each spouse has a “secondary” (or two) who lives nearby.
Their rationale seems to be that a lighthearted fling might forestall an actual affair. No matter how casual its immediate lustful attraction, sex often develops into an emotional bond — one that could threaten the original couple.
Under his leadership, the country underwent significant economic and social progress, while Ruth was a For eight years they lived as exiles in England, until the Bamangwato sent a personal cable to the Queen in protest.
Much of this work rested on the efforts of a remarkable young man named Arcadio Huang.
Pepper Schwartz: I was flipping channels the other night when I came across the nearly unwatchable Hall Pass (2011), a simpleminded movie with an even simpler premise: When the partners in a long-term marriage get sexually antsy, they start fantasizing — seriously fantasizing — about strangers.
And they become obsessed with the question, “Will I ever have sex with anyone but my wife/husband before I die?
Loyalty and exclusiveness build the trust and commitment that a relationship needs to endure.
Non-monogamy happens, sure — but to build it into a marriage is way too risky. The former are open to anyone; the latter are open to couples and single women.
(Your own hall pass, of course, is unlikely to feature a million-dollar proposition from Robert Redford.) So consider the potential emotional fallout from getting, or granting, a hall pass of your own: Regardless of what the two of you consent to in advance, you could easily find yourselves unable to handle the emotional wreckage of your own hearts.
That said, I feel honor bound to report that I’ve seen a hall pass or two invoked without catastrophe.
Each partner is allowed to visit his or her secondary about once a month or when the spouse is out of town.
“I’m in love only with my husband,” the woman in this fourth couple says. But we enjoy playing outside our marriage, usually with people we both know socially, sometimes with people one of us knows from work.” As you may have gathered, these couples do not regard a hall pass or its variants as cheating — so long as one spouse secures the other’s advance consent to be “excused from class.” So is a hall pass a harmless fidelity furlough or a certain ticket to tears?
Michael Castleman: I recently watched Hall Pass, too. But with all due respect to monogamy, it’s not the only way. In ancient Britain, that well-known sex commentator Julius Caesar reported that its counterpart, polyandry (one woman, several men), was a common practice. And don’t even get me started on Craigslist Personals, where couples advertise for threesomes, partner swaps and group sex.